Anchors Aweigh!

Remember last week’s post on waiting?  Well, last Thursday I got a text from my recruiter saying that some jobs might be opening up and that I would know for sure on Friday or Monday.  Friday happened, I got down with some friends, but I didn’t hear anything regarding Navy jobs.  Saturday happened, Sunday happened, and while I wasn’t expecting to hear anything over the weekend, doubt still managed to creep in.

Come Monday morning all kinds of reasons as to why I shouldn’t get in or hear anything were jumping around in my head like a herd of poisonous toads.  But then shortly after noon I got the message: “Hey Cliff, you’re on the schedule to process tomorrow.  We just got the word that you’re good to go.”  I just happened to be on a call when the text came through – and no, I don’t make it a normal habit to read text messages while on phone calls, but I was a bit jittery, plus the caller at the time was looking for his bill to give me his account number.

As soon as I read the text I had to suppress a “Whoopee!”  However, what started out as an average, good-natured call on my part suddenly turned into an enthusiastic and exciting experience for my customer.

When break time rolled around shortly thereafter, I made contact with my recruiter and details were ironed out for that evening and the next day: I’d crash at the hotel again and drive over to the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) the next morning and since I wouldn’t need to do anything else but process, I’d probably be done by noon.  And by process, of course I don’t mean “dealing with issues”, but rather being processed into the military.

Tuesday morning my roommate and I woke up at 4, went down for breakfast at 5, then I followed the bus to the MEPS at 5:30 and I was ready to rock and roll by 6.  All I needed to do was wait to clear up a couple issues with the security clearance folks (pay your parking tickets on time), then wait to meet with the job classifier.  I was ready to rock at 6AM.  By nine, my enthusiasm had wavered just a bit – but I was able to watch some fascinating programming on tanks, submarines and jet fighters on the Military channel in the lobby.

About 9:45 I was called back and got the security clearance issue cleared up (pay your parking tickets immediately!  It will come back to haunt you!), and was told that if the job classifier didn’t call me back by 10:30 to go get some food in the cafeteria.

10:30 rolled around – I was hungry.  I went and got some food in the cafeteria.  Now, heh, they say it’s free.  They say that staying at the hotel the night before, the breakfast and then lunch is all free.  I appreciate the idea, I do, and I like not having to fork out five or six bucks at a time or whatever it cost to stay at the hotel.  However, I pay my taxes every year.  If you want a return on that investment, join the military. ;)

But I digress…

By 11 I was back in the lobby waiting to hear from the job classifier – well, one of two classifiers.  What would happen would be I’d go back and talk with her about the available jobs and see which ones would be the best fit based on my personality inventory, job history and ASVAB score.  It was about 1:15 when I was called.

There were no options.  Well, I should say we didn’t discuss any options because the job I was hoping to get was available.  I’m going to be a journalist for the Navy.  I actually get to use my original degree in Communication (media production and such) for a career!

By 2PM I was sworn in as a sailor for the United States Navy.  I ship out for nine weeks of basic training in November followed by six months of training in my specialty.  And that’s that!  God’s been working every step of the way.  I was not expecting things to happen so quickly.  But I see the delay from last week as a chance to take care of those parking tickets (pay ‘em!) and get everything squared away before the whole process would engage.  When it’s time to move on God’s schedule, things get crackin’!

So what does that mean for the blog?  For the time being, nothing.  I’ll continue along the normal schedule.  I have ideas for stories and things to share which I’ll have posted in my absence during basic.  Of course, at that time I won’t be able to respond, but I’ll see about having someone moderate comments and such on my behalf.  Plus, a couple of folks have said they’d still be interested in writing guest posts so you’ll get to enjoy the likes of Danny from Connective Tissue, Sharon from She Worships, and more (definitely some more Grady Nutt – his talks are just a gold mine of good stories!).

And I reckon that’s all I have to say about that.  Happy Wednesday!

RIP GPT

RIP GPT

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

I got the idea for Guest Post Thursday from Jon Acuff, the guy who writes the Stuff Christians Like blog (you still haven’t read it?  What are you waiting for??!).  In his book, Quitter (which I highly recommend you read, by the way), he talks about developing a platform for whatever dream it is you have to fulfill in life and to share that platform.  That was the whole point of Guest Post Thursday.

Thus far I’ve had two weeks where actual, living and breathing people guest posted and the other two weeks I’ve posted transcriptions of performances of a Southern Baptist minister who passed on 29 years ago.  This week I’ve got nothing and really nothing on the docket.  And that’s okay.

This is a learning experience.

Right now isn’t the time for Guest Post Thursday, I suppose.

Right now isn’t the time for a lot of things.  I’ll keep the option open in case anyone does want to, but frankly, I think maybe I was somewhat putting the cart before the horse in just starting up the blog with the GPT component already set as a foundational piece. 

In the meantime, I’ll continue my regular posts on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, and figure out what to do with Thursdays. 

I mean, hey, the blog is a month old today. J  This is the longest I’ve kept a consistent blog going with a definitive purpose.

So, we’ll see what happens to Thursdays – jury’s still out on Fridays in my opinion, though some of y’all have said you like the current format.

I still want to do something with video….

The Roast Is Burning - Guest Post Thursday!

Grady Lee Nutt (September 2, 1934–November 23, 1982) was a Southern Baptist minister, humorist, television personality, and author. His humor revolved around rural Southern Protestantism and earned him the title as "The Prime Minister of Humor."  Below is a transcription of Grady Lee telling a story from the recording, "A Laugh And A Half."  If you want to listen to the audio, click the title of the post.  For more audio and info, go to An Unofficial Grady Nutt Page.

Baptists are notorious for a lot of things, preaching – some of our evangelistic services and things like that when we try to put high pressure on you for low living.  All parts of the service have always fascinated me; I love even the welcome to the visitors, I love the offering, I love everything about it!  It’s just fun to do.

But one of the things we’ve always done in Baptist churches is what we call the “invitation service,” that’s at the end of the preaching when we sing these songs like, “Just As I Am” and “Have Thine Own Way, O Lord” and “Aaaaaaalmoooooost Persuaaaaaaaded” – now if that won’t almost persuade you, you’ve basically got a statue heart, that’s what it is.  Sing old sad songs, “Deathbeds Are Coming,” and all that kind of stuff.  Trying to scare something out of you so you’ll go onto heaven, it’s that kind of deal. 

Basically, “If you’re doing it, give it up, quit it, and come down here and share it with us so I’ll know I haven’t been pouring all this down the tube.”

Well, the invitation service is frequently treated like a threat.  My father could do that about as good as any preacher you ever saw; he could just act like he knew who did it!  And that just scares the church right into looking at the hymn book.  I’ve seen them sing 95 verses of “Just As I Am” and never look up, just “Juuuust aaaaas I aaaam” – they won’t look up – that means you did it.  See? I mean, don’t look up. 

And dad would walk back and forth like a panther in the cage at the city zoo – he knew who did it! 

Well, he would just go on and on and on – I remember one Sunday, I was about 15 or 16 years old, it was about ten after one, and dad had reeeeally been bringing the pressure on – HAAH!   We were down to about 95 or 96 verses of “Just As I Am” and I was afraid he was about to start on “Almost Persuaded” and I did not want to go to the mission field.  That day I might have volunteered just to go home for lunch, y’know?  I might’ve done it.

Well, it was about ten after one and mother put her arm around my shoulder and she said, “Grady Lee?”

I said, “What?”

She said, “Would you please go forward and rededicate your life to God?  The roast is burning.”

So…I did. 

I stepped out in the aisle and dad was kind of shocked, y’know?  You hate to go an hour and ten minutes and find out it was your kid that did it, y’see. 

He looked up as I came down the aisle, sort of like, “Nononono!”

And I was like, “Yesyesyesyes!”  I just kept coming. 

Well, he took me by the hand and with his 310 pounds, he kind of beat on my back, *WHOOM, WHOOM!* and that’s why a lot of people kneel at the altar: they get the breath beat out of them by the preachers.  He pulled me in close and leaned over and said, “What is it, Grady Lee?”

I said, “The roast is burning.”

So he called for prayer for an “unspoken” concern, and it really embarrassed me, ‘cause there was no telling what they thought I had done!  I really think that he should have just said, “The roast is burning; let us pray!”  

Guest Post Thursday: Grady Nutt - The Quiet Quakers

Grady Lee Nutt (September 2, 1934–November 23, 1982) was a Southern Baptist minister, humorist, television personality, and author. His humor revolved around rural Southern Protestantism and earned him the title as "The Prime Minister of Humor."  Below is a transcription of Grady Lee telling a story from the recording, "Grady Nutt's Favorite Stories From Hee Haw."  I used to listen to this guy as a kid with my family.  An Unofficial Grady Nutt Page actually has links to a great deal of his audio which is a lot more fun to listen to than to read.  Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy this.

Different kinds of religious groups get wonderful reputations and some of it is stereotyped.  You know, Baptists are supposed to be, “Haaa!” Hellfire and brimstone, all that kind of stuff; and the Methodists are supposed to be kind of laidback and cool and the Catholics are supposed to swing a lot of incense.  We have just, you know, typical stereotypes of each other. 

Our Quaker friends are called “The Friends” and they worship in silence.  Now Baptists know nothing about that; there has not been an acknowledged silence in a Baptist church since the first century.  The minute it gets quiet, somebody’ll leap back on the organ bench and start playing until somebody finds their bulletin.  You know, we just don’t trust silence.

Well, our Quaker friends worship in silence and they have a very different kind of touch and one of their characteristics that we know about is they’re pacifists.  They do not believe in violence and they believe that the way you take the stinger out of war is not to retaliate.

There was a wonderful Quaker family that had a grocery store in a little community, and two guys decided one night they’re going to rob it.  And so we’ve got the brains of the group driving the getaway car and he sends his, “Heheh, hyuk!” helper, sort of a Woody Woodpecker variety into the store to rob the safe.  Now the Quaker family lived in the back of the store.  And so the guy that’s driving the car says to his dumb accomplice, “Now all you’ve got to do is go in, break open the safe and just get the money and come out.”

He says, “But what if they, what if they find me?”

He said, “You’ve got nothing to worry about; these people are Quakers.  They don’t believe in violence, they’re pacifists, they will not harm you.  They’ll try to talk you out of it, but they will not lay a hand on you.”

“You sure?”

“I’m certain – they’re Quakers.” 

“…okay.”

So the guy goes in, breaks the lock – *tingchaling* - gets inside – doo, de-do-de-doo – he’s in the back, “clank”, and working on the safe…

About four minutes later he comes barreling out that front door, leaps in the car, “GET OUT OF HERE!”

He said, “Where’s the money?”

“GO!”

*VROOOOM!*  And they roared down the street, “Man, what are you doing?”

“Get out of here!”

“Where – is – the – money?!”

“I didn’t get the money!”

“Why not?!!”

He said, “I got the safe open, and I was raking money in a sack, and I looked up and there was this fella, with a goatee, and a nightshirt, and a shotgun!  And he pointed it right at me.  And he said, ‘Sir, I wouldst not harm thee, but thou standest where I am about to shoot.’”